meme; contrived smut

[see_the_stars]

  THE CONTRIVED SMUT MEME

 

 

In the world of smut, sometimes things take a little nudge to get where they need to go. But in some cases, the set-up to the scenario is so ridiculous, you have to poke fun at it. That's what this meme is all about! Sexual scenarios that would never, not in a million years, happen in real-life, but... they're still fun to play out.

Suspend your disbelief for this meme, since we're running the gamut from getting stuck in washing machines to mistaking a real person for a sex doll. Characters in these memes can be self-aware as to how unreal things are, or they could play things straight and live in a world where having sex with a waiter in order to pay your bill is completely natural.

Additionally, while these plots are fun in fiction, they would absolutely constitute harassment in real-life. IRL doctors, please don't bang your clients to lower their medical bills.

TL;DR: It's a collection of porn plots!

🍋HOW TO PLAY

1. Drop a top-level with some prefs!

2. Tag around and get into it, yuh!

3. Be merry!

[smutty] scenarios

• doctor's office It's time for your annual check-up. What's this? Looks like you're in need of a more thorough examination.

• stuckage You're stuck under a bed, or in a washing machine, or in a pipe, or halfway through a window. It's embarrassing! It'd be such a shame if someone found you like this...

• accidental cross-dressing You just wanted to try on this suit/dress, and now it won't come off! Will shenanigans ensue?!

• there was one only bed Oh no! How could a mistake like this occur?!

• impromptu model Being approached by someone on the street who says you'd make a great model for them, and promptly invites you back to their studio.

• nudist beach Stumbling upon nudist beach!

• the cam star next door Your favorite porn star just happens to be your neighbor? And you had no idea? What are the odds?

• massage parlor Going in for an average, run-of-the-mill back massage after a long day at work only to end up boning the sexy masseuse.

• camping And there was only one... tent? And you have to snuggle for warmth.

• walked in on Just as you're taking care of business, the object of your fantasies walks in.

• retreat You booked this vacation to get some relaxation in. Why didn't anyone tell you that this was a sexy, kinky summer retreat?

• hitch-hiking See someone sexy on the side of the road? Why not offer them a ride. Surely, this ends in boning in the backseat. Why wouldn't this end with boning in the backseat?

• long car ride It's a long way to Brooklyn and there aren't enough seats in this car. Looks like somebody is going to have to sit on someone's lap...

• punishment You've been court-ordered to have sex in order to pay your debt to society. Get to it!

• masquerade The anonymous masquerade sex party where you don't know who you're getting it on with.

• wildcard Whatever cheesy sexual trope you want to see come to fruition.

[smutty] transactions

• librarian Well, if using my body to pay off that overdue library fee is the only way...

• pizza I left my wallet in my other pants! How am I supposed to pay for this pizza now?

• speeding ticket Officer, I swear that stop sign wasn't there a second ago! How can we can we make this ticket go away?

• taxi ride I really need to get where I'm going, but I left all my cash back home. Surely we can work something out?

• debt I'll get your money, I promise! I just need a little more time. What can I offer in the meantime?

• prison guard Whatever can I do to lessen my sentence, sir?

• the diner Just because you left your wallet at home doesn't mean you can't find a way to pay for this meal.

• in the classroom Your teacher/professor would like to discuss your grades. What can you do to turn that C- into an A+?

• general favor You owe someone a favor, and the best way to return it is through sex. That's normal, right?

• wildcard Whatever transaction sounds good to you.

[smutty] magic

• portal to pleasure One character has a magical portal that allows them access to another character's lower regions at will.

• the sex doll You were getting it in with your favorite sex toy just a moment ago. You didn't even notice when your toy went and turned into a person!

• psychic link Due to some mind meld magic, you're in their head, and they're in yours.

• monster in me Heat, or rut, or some other kind of internal monster/animal element is making you bang.

• alien You can't expect creatures from other planets to have the same customs that we do! On some worlds, having sex is how you say hello.

• handcuffed You've been handcuffed together! The only way to make them disappear is to bang one out... which might be difficult due to the aforementioned handcuffs.

• changes With your magic, you can make your partner look and act however you'd like.

• healing magic Just a step below sexual healing; the side effect of healing magic is that the sensation of getting fixed-up is incredibly arousing.

• magical, insatiable lust If it moves, you want to bang it.

• deus sex machina The only way to fix your issue, whatever it may be, is to have sex. Only the magical healing power of a good screw can save you!

• tentacles They're slippy and they're slimy and they know just what they want.

• magic stick With this wand, you have the power!

• wildcard Whatever magical sexual plot you'd like to bring to life!

Comments

[vocoder]

( hello, i am here for contrived, ridiculous shenanigans... like force handcuffs? the force is getting real tired of these two dancing around each other and has decided to make them stick to each other like glue until they finally get the picture. the closer and more intimate they become with each other, the looser the magical, invisible handcuffs get? )

[see_the_stars]

[listen, if they're not going to do it themselves, the force is just gonna have to intervene until they just get over themselves already. but yes! please feel free to stick 'em together and i'll jump on in.]